Have you ever made a decision that turned out to be a big mistake – but you kept going with that path because by golly you made the decision and you’re sticking to it?
I’ve done that way too often in my life. But you know what? The times they are a’changin’!
I recently took a part-time job at a tea bar / spa here in Portland. What a disaster it turned out to be!
I wrote about it in my last email update to my subscribers, and so many people resonated with the story I decided to go ahead and post it.
At first I was so glad I hadn’t mention my new employed status in the previous email, because the thing was short lived. I quit less than 2 weeks after accepting the job.
In the past I would have kept the whole thing under my hat and told as few people as possible. After all, it’s kind of like a failure.
But I’m beginning to understand there is no failure – just learning.
That’s my new mantra – also the more raunchy version: There is No Fucking Up – Just Learning.
I’ll spare you the details on what brought me to the heart racing, face flushed, fight-or-flight mode that made me realize I was in the WRONG place. But I will share how the whole experience is making me think:
There I was smacked with the realization that I had seriously fucked up. This was NOT what I thought it would be. WRONG decision!
Here I was at one of those crossroads again. This job sucked. My coworkers were miserable and cowered in fear of the dysfunctional owner.
Uh oh, I thought, I took a wrong turn here. Do I just keep going and hope it works out?
After all, ‘logic’ dictated that I should wait things out, maybe the road would curve back into the direction I wanted to head.
I mean I’m really wanting to pull in a little extra cash, and to get out into the Portland community and meet people. And I’ve discovered that it’s not quite so easy to land a part-time service or retail job when you’re 50 as it is when you’re oh, say, 22.
When they offered me the job I was delighted. A tea bar and spa seemed to be the perfect spot for me to land.
Except it wasn’t.
My inner self began whispering as much on the very first day, but I didn’t listen.
It would be stupid to give up this opportunity, said Lizzie my Lizard Brain. Who knows when you’ll get another offer?
Lizzie almost had me talked into doing a tap dance to the twisted demands of the owner. I was starting to feel like I was in Catholic School again and just had to shut up and keep my head down even as my whole inner being was screaming, Injustice!
But something amazing happened this time.
That midlife fire flamed up in my belly and screamed NO-O!
I decided to trust what my heart was telling me. To trust that if I listened to that message something better would work out.
But what if?….what about?….isn’t it irresponsible…?
I told Lizzie to take a nap, and picked up the phone. After that call, joy flooded through me and I danced around the room.
Lizzie’s still glaring balefully from the corner. Now what? she sneers.
And honestly, I don’t know.
Still trusting. I’ll keep you posted.